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我准备的口试材料,谁帮我改改?

我准备的口试材料,谁帮我改改?

Good morning .I'am glad to be here for this interview.First let me introduce myself. My name is XX,I come from XX of XXX province,as you known,it is a time-honoured city,there are famous XX towerand XX lake there,i'm proud of my hometown and hope you will go to visit my home.
  I graduated from the design and art department of XX university in July last year.

My personality and hobby:
taking after my father,i'm adaptable,carefull and very fond of touring and reading .when i was still a child,my father took me to travel many different cities and the country,and frequently my father bought several books to me which make me feel rather happy. i have learned dancing for 5years and then learned drawing for 3years,these study have  developed my artistic inspiration and observation.like other younger, i like music,especially the country music, because it always brings me a new beautiful world which let me relaxing when i'm tired.

Reasons for my choice:
Since 5 years ago,when I had my first design lesson, I have had a dream that I devote my ability to do some thing in this field. I believe that opportunity always knocks those who are ready to take it. I chose master  a postgraduate degree to study more.

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